we used to
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- Regular Member
- Posts: 149
- Joined: November 15th, 2012, 6:48 pm
we used to
underneath lake stars
we used to
win wars
underneath fireworks
we used to
write books
underneath ocean froth
we used to
smoke and cough
underneath bed sheets
we used to
eat and tweet
when you needed someone
you used to
get so close to me
when you needed something
you used to
post on my news feed
vacations, holidays
everything in between
we used to
we used to
win wars
underneath fireworks
we used to
write books
underneath ocean froth
we used to
smoke and cough
underneath bed sheets
we used to
eat and tweet
when you needed someone
you used to
get so close to me
when you needed something
you used to
post on my news feed
vacations, holidays
everything in between
we used to
- allmirth
- Elite Member
- Posts: 4578
- Joined: April 18th, 2012, 5:20 pm
- Location: Cajun Country
Re: we used to
The sense of loss and wistful longing is easy to relate to.
Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy
Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy
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- Elite Member
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- Joined: April 17th, 2012, 12:21 am
- Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Re: we used to
I really like the first stanza of this. The feeling of loss reached out to me. Well done!
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Re: we used to
I think this is a really clever piece; perhaps I'm just being a little slow tonight but the significance of 'we used to' didn't really hit me until the very final line. Up until then I found it easy to relate to the direct descriptions of the relationship and enjoy the simple pleasures they once brought. Then the final line made it all click in to place.
Very effective work, I like this a lot.
Very effective work, I like this a lot.
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- Location: dying in the heat and humidity that is New Orleans
Re: we used to
First congratulations on the spotlight pick of the week it is much deserved! I love the flow of this piece... it's easy and it a most enjoyable read. I do love the trendy things you've added to it ( like the tweeting ) that makes this one your own! I also have a huge love for repetition so I fell hard for the "we used to" in the lines... well done and a pleasure to read!
-LMB
xoxo
-LMB
xoxo
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- Regular Member
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- Joined: November 15th, 2012, 6:48 pm
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- Location: here and there
Re: we used to
I like the way you put vacations and holidays first, as opposed
to the everyday, boring week days (showing the fun you used to have).
also loved the thought of winning wars...
super job jenny - congrats on the light.
to the everyday, boring week days (showing the fun you used to have).
also loved the thought of winning wars...
super job jenny - congrats on the light.
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- Joined: April 6th, 2014, 6:03 pm
- Location: Woodstock, NY
Re: we used to
Hi Jenny: Very nice writing, the repetition of "used to" carries you along until it hits you; all the loss. Well done and my congratulation. Loretta
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Re: we used to
Congrats on the spotlight! Loved the first stanza.
Presenting: The 'Animated Poetry' Gospel For your enjoyment.