Dancing

[miharu]

Nothing about her wasn't beautiful,
but she had an attitude to throw back
hands and lines for help
over time. She swore
she'd go down fighting,
but she was really stepping on heads
to climb back from underneath.
Her innocent looks were replaced
with graceless, aged tiredness,
and she hasn't felt warm or wanted to
since you stopped breathing.
She wishes she could join.

I saw her the other day, listless,
walking. She had fixed her hair,
and incorporated the black now
permanently sitting around her eyes
to make a sultry, smoking vision,

but she left her lips alone.
Did you know she hasn't
spoken since you bent her like
a twig and she refused to break?
Her edges are splintered, uneven.
She aches to be touched,
but the pain is too great.

Once, you would have
serrated yourself to touch her soul,
but small scratches are too much
and not enough
to make her feel loved now.
She said she'll never be whole
but, she's said that
before, and there
are many more things
she's willing to try these days.

The last time I saw her, she was
dancing. And I wept because
it was pouring rain
and I knew she was only outside
so no-one else could see her cry.




----

Author's note: I wanted to bring this poem over from the old proboards website... It was written 5 years ago... Golly, where does time go! With a little tweaking and some polish, I think it's ready! Thank you for humoring my repost. <3

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

Hi Miharu, while I read this piece I was put into a trance like state of bliss. I really enjoyed reading this and I think you did an effective job or as they say in the poetry world a bang up job conveying your thoughts. I don't think I came across the piece on the old forum but I was only a member for about a year and a half before the group moved the site to a new forum. I have seen a lot of people come and go in the poetry world. I actually rather read amateur poetry than the likes of Shakespeare, and the likes even. I really admonish the great poet's poetry, but it doesn't appeal to my modernity senses for some reason. Exalt if they had the button, but that is why this is a fantastically written morsel of poetry to indulge in. I do find a trace of sadness in several lines, but overall I actually thought the experience to be beautiful, however I am an oddball. Thank you for sharing dear lady....

victor

[karrie]

I found myself falling into this. The ending stanza really grabbed me. Beautiful write!

[IronHeart]

Hey miharu,

Thank you for sharing your poem with us (again), though for me it's my first viewing! My favourite part out of it all were these two lines:

"She aches to be touched,
but the pain is too great."

I was so vividly reminded of all the relational difficulties that I've dealt with in myself and in others because of the hurts we've endured.

Overall though, I really like how you've written this like an exposé, it feels very intimate. I almost feel like I was living through this as well. Thank you so much for your poem.

[candlewitch]

hello,

This is an exquisite write that pulls at the heart in sorrow. I much enjoyed these lines:

I saw her the other day, listless,
walking. She had fixed her hair,
and incorporated the black now
permanently sitting around her eyes
to make a sultry, smoking vision,

always, Cat

[dwells]

Marvelous musings in the third person perhaps Miharu. Much pain and anguish evident here in the recollection of hardship, disappointment and disillusionment - "first cut is the deepest" (Sheryl Crowe). We are left changed and transfigured by the lives we lead, though we might seek to deny, we cry in the same rain, cheers!

[QuietAstronomer]

Lovely piece, Mimi.
Congrats on the Spotlight.
Very deserving.
The pain and imagery is so overwhelming in this piece.
Truly worthy of the accolades.

QA

[garic]

The way this is narrated captivated me. The first stanza appears to be speaking to the reader of the poem - but the narrative evolves to speak to the one that "bent her like a twig".

Strangely enough, this piece left me with a sense of completion, i think because the narrator had said all that needed to be said and then ended up with a movement from the heart.

[everhopeful]

I'm so glad you brought this one over, and it's certainly worthy of being spotlighted twice!
Even if there is enough to suggest we might not warm to the subject, it's hard not to feel more than a twinge of sadness and sympathy for her, the woman who acted like she could never be broken yet, somehow, seems a shadow of everything should could and should be. Perhaps not broken, just broken down. I thought the most appealing element of this was how you conveyed her attempts to paint over her sadness, to even it a part of her look, however the speaker (and in turn the reader) learn it is merely dressing for a wound. Superb ending to this one, congratulations on the spotlight!

[tangerinepie]

I loved the way the the story unfolded, it had the unique quality of amazing wording combined with a deep portrait of tragedy.Just great writing and a very special spotlight choice..TY..Tangie..

[albrightyo]

What an amazing poem! The imagery was stunning! I look forward to reading more of your work.

[search81]

I enjoyed this piece. Some who was well known now reduced to nothing. I can relate to it.

[jwesley]

Digging deep I found this - Sorry I didn't see it originally (wasn't around then though) but glad I didn't miss it - bet the spotlight was on high beam when this was featured ... beautiful piece and I just loved how you closed it...

j.

[Larsen M. Callirhoe]

Congrats on the spotlight dear lady. Might I add this is a very intelligently written piece and thus truly deserving of the spotlight in my opinion. So in that regards I believe the staff of TPS was rightly so in picking to piece to be showcased in the spotlight forum of TPS. So congrats again as I revisit this amazing crisp poetry. So thank you again.

Enjoyed....

victor

[ladymaybebaby]

I've always love and admired your style of writing so very much... this is truly a wonderful piece of poetry Mimi. I'm so glad you dusted this one off, it was more than a treat to be able to read this one! From start to finish I was hooked! Truly gorgeous work!

-LMB
xoxo

* congrats on the spotlight * although belated on my part