The Rooftop

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scribble
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The Rooftop

Post by scribble » March 25th, 2016, 10:58 pm

I live in a cozy house
and in my house
I know where to find
anything I need

In my cozy house
(your hand rests on my hip as you turn in your sleep)
there are warm blankets on the shelf
sweaters
in the back of my closet
(behind boxes of photographs, greeting cards)
to keep me warm

And yet
as I approach that unfamiliar rooftop
(I see a shape oddly comforting, endearing)
I am drawn to the view
(eyes too brown, too tall, too strange)
and in that moment
I seem to have forgotten my address

I grip the edge with shaking hands
and I hear
whistling
past my ears as I fall
I feel
(hands)
wind in my hair

But then I look down at my white knuckles
the blood just beginning to seep from between my fingers
and suddenly I remember where I live

I quickly close the door
of my cozy house
(family portraits line the walls, memories
whispered into every familiar corner)

and I grab a blanket from the shelf

I grip my sweater in those shaking hands
and try
desperately
to will the warmth back to my ears
still whistling
my hair
still disheveled
from my foolish impulse
Last edited by scribble on April 1st, 2016, 5:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.



dwells
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Re: The Rooftop

Post by dwells » March 28th, 2016, 7:13 pm

A descriptive gem of almost nightmarish quality Scribble. We all have these wacky thoughts on occasion when we dream; and hopefully that is where they will remain. The "after effects" in the closing made it come alive. Cheers and welcome again to TPS! - Dan


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scribble
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Re: The Rooftop

Post by scribble » March 28th, 2016, 7:47 pm

Thank you! I was trying to use a psychological phenomenon (the impulse to do senseless, dangerous things) as a metaphor. I actually edited the third stanza to try making the other meaning more clear, but thanks for reading!


"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."

Sarah Williams

Dew
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Re: The Rooftop

Post by Dew » March 30th, 2016, 8:09 am

snapping back into (or back out of) reality is always surprising (to me) for the odd things that act as catalysts...never what I'd expect. a ringtone, a locked door, a missing button...like some kind of weird inception totem. great reading you!

:Dew



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jim_moonan
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Re: The Rooftop

Post by jim_moonan » March 30th, 2016, 8:53 am

We are never far from our "cozy home" and never safe from dangerous thoughts...
Your use of parenthesis is excellent!


"Poetry is the clear expression of mixed feelings." -W.H. Auden

"Good poetry begins with a lump in the throat."-Robert Frost

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linlin528
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Re: The Rooftop

Post by linlin528 » March 30th, 2016, 12:21 pm

Your parenthetical asides gave me chills for some reason, and they stayed with me throughout the poem. That mystical sense of no control...and that very last stantza felt very real! Great job!


"The act of writing is an act of optimism. You would not take the trouble to do it if you felt it didn't matter." ~Edward Albee

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Josie
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Re: The Rooftop

Post by Josie » January 10th, 2018, 11:33 am

This was surreal.It was as though your poet mind had spilled the contents stored in the brain on the floor and was picking up memories in a random order.


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Maz Savvy
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Re: The Rooftop

Post by Maz Savvy » January 12th, 2018, 4:52 am

very theatrical as this read grabs, and places the reader into the well scripted scene from a place of warm comfort, and throws a curve of fear from nowhere unexpected. True thriller type of poem...outstanding!


time & time again in a profound mind state

inflames
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Re: The Rooftop

Post by inflames » January 14th, 2018, 11:47 am

I agree - this is very theatrical. I like the way you've guided the reader through the poem. Congrats on your spotlight!


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


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