A Broken Nocturne

An archive containing past featured spotlight works, what we consider, some of the best works on TPS. Feel free to leave comments.
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Liquid Bear
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Joined: May 13th, 2014, 9:14 am

A Broken Nocturne

Post by Liquid Bear » March 21st, 2017, 5:41 pm

When the moon rises above the mountain,

tortured, vaporous voices subside

giving in to wind and lulling light,

pacified as if by magic.


Free to bathe in the silvery calm,

my heart greets peace like a sister,

loathing the sun, a merciless master,

and its ephemeral troubles.


Soon, dawn will vanquish the moonglow

and its sweet, fleeting promise:

the bright certainty of pain

will bind my heart again.


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"I cry out for magic/I feel it dancing in the light/It was cold/Lost my hold/To the shadows of the night" (Ronnie James Dio)

TripleP
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Joined: February 28th, 2014, 2:30 pm
Location: Northern Illinois

Re: A Broken Nocturne

Post by TripleP » March 22nd, 2017, 10:21 am

Bear, I so wish I could write as well as you do!
Your metaphor is perfect. Sometimes the darkness is soothing and the daylight simply reveals our pain. Awesome poem!


Please feel free to check out:
My Poems

INFPoet
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Joined: December 15th, 2016, 12:41 am
Location: Currently in Middle-earth

Re: A Broken Nocturne

Post by INFPoet » March 22nd, 2017, 12:44 pm

Ethereal, yet makes my heart ache. I think this is one of the best you'd done that I've read. Oftentimes the night is used as a metaphor for pain and heartache, but this shows it the other way around - sometimes it seems the night isn't long enough. This is just stunning, Bear. I bow to your poetic genius!

~INFPoet


Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight...
(J.R.R. Tolkien, LOTR)

Let's Go Mets!

Keep calm and pass the puck to Zucc. LGR

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Gavin.Marconi
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Location: Maryland USA

Re: A Broken Nocturne

Post by Gavin.Marconi » March 22nd, 2017, 2:13 pm

Hello LB

This is quite an exquisite poem, you have taken melancholia and infused it with delicate and natural metaphors that play a subtle, haunted note. I love it!

So many times have I stayed awake all night, just to be one of the shadows watching the great round moon roll across the sky; and your poem here reminds me of those beautiful, solitary nights. It's been a long time since a piece has had this effect on me. Excellent work

Gavin

PS. Would you be surprised if I told you this poem caused a song to manifest in my head while reading it?

This time it's a personal favorite :bigsmile:
Here is a link if you want to give it a listen https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0x4GQDoN0Lk



Liquid Bear
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Joined: May 13th, 2014, 9:14 am

Re: A Broken Nocturne

Post by Liquid Bear » March 23rd, 2017, 3:07 pm

Thank you so much for all your kind words and insights, my friends. I'm very much humbled by your heartfelt praise. I must say I'm quite fond of this poem, it is indeed personal and I can only be glad that it managed to turn such bitter melancholy into something beautiful. Thanks again!

@Gavin: I didn't know that song, I'll listen to it later. I've listened to many different genres of music but BoC seems to have escaped me so far. I already like the title!


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"I cry out for magic/I feel it dancing in the light/It was cold/Lost my hold/To the shadows of the night" (Ronnie James Dio)

Liquid Bear
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Joined: May 13th, 2014, 9:14 am

Re: A Broken Nocturne

Post by Liquid Bear » September 9th, 2018, 6:05 am

Thank you so much for the Spotlight! I'm very honored to be in such great company :)


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"I cry out for magic/I feel it dancing in the light/It was cold/Lost my hold/To the shadows of the night" (Ronnie James Dio)

rupertpupkin
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Joined: April 19th, 2012, 10:03 am

Re: A Broken Nocturne

Post by rupertpupkin » September 10th, 2018, 9:21 am

Hi. This is a wonderful piece. So many lines and words to savour and a most deserving spotlight. Well done.


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inflames
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Joined: April 14th, 2012, 2:23 am

Re: A Broken Nocturne

Post by inflames » September 14th, 2018, 10:22 pm

Really pretty piece. Thanks for sharing this and congrats on your spotlight!


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


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