Strong writing - 3 stanzas of bad light.
shivering, to a harmful glare and finally dulling the brightness...
The atmosphere is awkward and uncomfortable.
Unbecoming
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JASON
- Elite Member
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- Joined: June 19th, 2012, 7:43 am
- Location: here and there
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Liquid Bear
- Elite Member
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Re: Unbecoming
This is a familiar tale told from an unusual angle. I liked the emphasis on light, as if it was influenced by the couple's fighting and bad mood. Cool poem.
Bear
Bear
"I cry out for magic/I feel it dancing in the light/It was cold/Lost my hold/To the shadows of the night" (Ronnie James Dio)
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rupertpupkin
- Moderator
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- Joined: April 19th, 2012, 10:03 am
Re: Unbecoming
Hi. Great poem! Most of us have been there! Brilliantly crafted piece. Well done on the spotlight.
