Cornice

[BarryC]

I am fixed here on this peak like a
wax tear on a candle, the climber above
does not hear me or mercury calling,
he tempts the primal rocky plume to approve
our advance, which one of us is frozen
in this tear on my eyelash, for death ice
is the most valid currency given.
To scale a rose thorn by thorn; a cornice
crown is blown, we arm wrestle winds-erecting
a tent, the testing ascent marinates the
primitive scent of coruscating fear. Spring
on the mountain, I dream of winter's spree
of sunshine on the country lanes where I
live and walk planning journeys with my ally.

[dwells]

The call of the mountain heights and a fine rosy metaphor too Barry. I'll stick to those country lanes and read all about it later. Original thoughts were of a gargoyle on the roof (my incorrect assumption). Crampons and pitons are not my cup of tea, cheers!

[Dew]

Very beautiful...I liked the sight rhymes as an alternative to phonemic rhymes...it's a great approach but so seldom used. Some of the images and metaphors were breath taking...like comparing an ice climber to a wax tear on a candle...or the ascent as thorns on a rose...definitely a giant leap into superb thought! - dew

[Baywriter]

There's so much to like about this. I enjoyed the uncommon use of rhyme that Dew mentioned above, but what I particularly enjoyed was the imagery. The comparison between being fixed on a mountain peak and a wax tear on a candle was cool. It gave a visual of melting because of the way wax melts down a candle, and that instantly gave me a feeling of precariousness. Your images evoked strong feelings, and that's what I love to get in poem. Great work.

Bay

[tangerinepie]

I most of all liked the contrasts in this poem,it brought to mind rock climbing, where your fingernails get torn off on jagged rock.Staggering imagery that really appeals.TY Tangie..

[ladymaybebaby]

Sorry I missed this one the first time around, but thank goodness for second chances! A beautiful piece of poetry you've been here. The above comments are so spot on and I agree 100% with them! Congratulations on the spot light pick of the week... it's much deserved!

-LMB
xoxo

[AoR]

I love the form of this one, the breaks in lines are very effective. You used beautiful renditions and the imagery comes alive with vivid and captivating similes/comparisons. Gorgeously penned, it is a a write of art. Killer lines, I particularly love the opening lines- what a way to capture the reader and set a mood! Excellent work, deserved the Spotlight without doubt. :)

[everhopeful]

A poem which pushes the boundaries of form, using all manner of unusual tropes which are seldom seen in sonnets. The heavy internal rhymes of lines 9 through 12 certainly caught the eye and ear, sticking out much like those rose thorns.
Congratulations on the spotlight.

[tangerinepie]

I am back again to add my congrats on this visually commanding poem, to read it again, pure poetic pleasure and everyone should treat themselves to this read..Tangie..

[amaranthus]

All previous comments say it all. Wonderful, Congrats on the spotlight.

[Victoria]

Cornice
by BarryC » August 16th, 2014, 2:05 am

I am fixed here on this peak like a
wax tear on a candle, the climber above
does not hear me or mercury calling,
he tempts the primal rocky plume to approve
our advance, which one of us is frozen
in this tear on my eyelash, for death ice
is the most valid currency given.
To scale a rose thorn by thorn; a cornice
crown is blown, we arm wrestle winds-erecting
a tent, the testing ascent marinates the
primitive scent of coruscating fear. Spring
on the mountain, I dream of winter's spree
of sunshine on the country lanes where I
live and walk planning journeys with my ally.

Some very good Ideas here Barry, imaginative and realistic. The cornice clinging and flaring out like candle wax on a candle is a fine thought; as is the scaling of the thorns. I love the blown cornice crown.
LIne 3 is coming across as a little abstract and I am still pondering it, I assume the "mercury" is referring to the mercury in a thermometer.?

Very good read this. Victoria.

[Josie]

I did not like to think of myself as a wax tear on a candle. So many people thrive on fear and experience thrills from danger. My natural instinct is to close my eyes and take cover. You did a fabulous job creating the scene. To scale a rose thorn by thorn clarified the danger if the reader needed more images to grasp the terror of a mountain climb by the wax tear description. I found myself ducking plunging snow when the cornice crown was blown. I could see Narrator arm wrestling with the wind in order to set up camp. The ending was hopeful with the Narrator thinking about winter's spree of sunlight on the country lanes where he lives. Congratulations on the TPS Spotlight.

[LorettaYoung]

Congratulations well deserved; reading gave me the cold shivers; beautiful imagery and metaphors; loved climbing the rose thorn by thorn. Thanks, a wonderful read. Loretta

[allmirth]

Gorgeous imagery and wonderful metaphor. Original, evocative and most impressive poetry. Congratulations on the well deserved Spotlight.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy