Dark Venus.

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Pride Ed
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Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » June 29th, 2014, 3:06 am

Dark Venus.
By A.A.J.B.

Scarlet lips done in roses. She kisses
the sun goodnight, leaving crimson
smears on the horizon.

She ties black orchids to her ebony
curls; copper-colored hands weaving
redolence into midnight gold.

The night holds her close. She caresses
the leaves and play in
shadows that move like smoke.

Her amber eyes catch moonlight like
glowing drops of honey. The tears from her
eyes always the sweetest.

Operatic tones held in drifting
petals; zephyr notes from her
soothing voice played by trees.

The sun lights a bonfire on the horizon;
she gently kisses the embers
and recedes like the tides.

Fire drains into blue light.
Orange seeds dot the sky. They look
on and see him kiss her in the morning.


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~ How long can I keep this smile up?

☽Alchemic Angel: Works by Pride Ed☾

Liquid Bear
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Liquid Bear » June 29th, 2014, 2:55 pm

Wow... I'm mesmerized! Colorful yet dark, somber yet erotic in a mysterious way... You seem to possess quite a gift for visual language. This is my favorite stanza:

"Operatic tones held in drifting
petals; zephyr notes from her
soothing voice played by trees."

Perfect use of synesthesia. Mad props for this one!

Bear.


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"I cry out for magic/I feel it dancing in the light/It was cold/Lost my hold/To the shadows of the night" (Ronnie James Dio)

Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » June 29th, 2014, 8:45 pm

Wow! Thank you so much!
I actually struggled with getting that part of the poem right.
:smile:


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TheDamsel
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by TheDamsel » June 29th, 2014, 9:13 pm

Colorful piece and with good imagery! beautiful poem! And I like the title!


I breathe. I love. I praise. I laugh. I mourn. I fight. I write. I share. I smile. I continue.

_The Damsel' heart

Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » July 1st, 2014, 12:47 am

Thanks so much!!


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up2quark
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by up2quark » July 2nd, 2014, 10:09 am

Your imagery really captured the dark essence of a Venus, personal or metaphorical or astronomical. It was a well developed flow of words that brought forth a form of clarity to your view of your projection, it really resembled a delicate thought and imagery process! Good imagination sir!



Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » July 7th, 2014, 1:01 am

Wow! Thank you very much!
I'm really happy I revised this poem, even though it took like 9 years.
XDDD

I'm pleased everyone likes the finished piece so much.
^_^


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tangerinepie
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by tangerinepie » July 8th, 2014, 6:39 pm

I was captivated by the imagery, it took my breath away and the whole piece just sang with marvelous word play.A very memorable read..Tangie..


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Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » July 8th, 2014, 10:12 pm

Thank you very much, Tangie!!
^_^ :heart:


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moe
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by moe » July 9th, 2014, 8:02 am

I'm jealous...!



Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » July 9th, 2014, 11:45 am

@Moe:
lol. I've seen your work.
I'm the one that should be jealous!
;D

Thanks for reading.


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VeiledPrincess
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by VeiledPrincess » July 10th, 2014, 2:04 pm

Lovely and slightly sexy poem filled tenderness and awe.
Well done Pride Ed.


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Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » July 10th, 2014, 2:11 pm

Thanks so much, VeiledPrincess!
:heart: :33


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konch
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by konch » July 12th, 2014, 2:59 am

Very goth. To be read to the music of Portishead. :)


Throughout the whole absurd life I'd lived, a dark wind had been rising toward me from somewhere deep in my future, across years that were still to come, and as it passed, this wind levelled whatever was offered to me at the time”
― Albert Camus, The Stranger

Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » July 12th, 2014, 1:37 pm

lol. I'm listening to "To Kill A Dead Man" right now! XD
Thanks for reading!!
:D


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CarolynKleefeld
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by CarolynKleefeld » July 16th, 2014, 5:03 pm

Truly exquisite imagery, sensuously dark, magical and enchanted, elegantly and masterfully composed; absolutely delightful!



Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » July 16th, 2014, 10:35 pm

Thanks so much, CarolynKleefeld!
:bigsmile:


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konch
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by konch » July 17th, 2014, 2:40 am

Wish there were TPS awards for intuition in commenting.

Re "To Kill A Dead Man", never knew about that, thanks! Reminded me a bit plotwise of the later (and very different genre) Ramona Falls "I Say Fever" music video, which I think is also a fun watch.


Throughout the whole absurd life I'd lived, a dark wind had been rising toward me from somewhere deep in my future, across years that were still to come, and as it passed, this wind levelled whatever was offered to me at the time”
― Albert Camus, The Stranger

Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » July 31st, 2014, 7:50 pm

Thank you very much!!
^_^


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☽Alchemic Angel: Works by Pride Ed☾

Pride Ed
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Re: Dark Venus.

Post by Pride Ed » August 1st, 2014, 12:12 pm

Aww! Thanks!
And welcome to TPS.
^_^


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