H-eight

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Mr D
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H-eight

Post by Mr D » December 20th, 2013, 10:36 am

[justify]H-eight


i wear your grin with pride and grief
i hated you, i swore i'd give you chaos

march of a medieval army of pitchforks and burning torches
holding truth in their gaze

head falls to the shame of a guillotine of fear
levered by my own despise

concocting madness in my head, swirl, swirl, purge and devour
i reckon you, myself, i fret thy hour

eye to beckon, eye to break and splinter mirror in the burning light
nightshades to covet

hugging to undivide my splattered egos across a fading soul
radioactive walls of my cataclysmic written heart

adorn me, aisle of the dead
i've come to free you from your torment;
to be you, eat you, must, i -

riddle my crimson to the laws of the Void
corner my conviction, You, the lord of the stoic grin
the horse of my headlessness riot
the cavity of the infected seed that is my mind

thinker, thinker me beyond the boycotting barbed wire i wear
we in this together, my luv', pain, warden, stain, edge, disdain

finger my wounds with mustard from your heartburger
taste me, savor, waste me, but remember my despair that you now own
remember my stare while you chewed On. my dark, dark, so dark places
we used to roam together; held hands, shared one courage, one carriage
- my soul, whole in this hole, he's used to be
so alone -

your epileptic strokes upon my back, i miss them -
the scars have healed, the stars have shielded from my presence,
my rot, my allure of a demon, my sparks of brilliance
my muscles know well.

so eat me, now, tomorrow,
ill wake to see this end
from another bent, dissent has taken it's descend
we must clash, soon,
dash, moon, claim what is mine so i can have you
hate, if only i could, would be a Messiah
would save me from unsculptured wood
[/justify]


Darkness is the canvas, light is the paint
I dont mind if you guys just read without commenting my stuff :)

DanInGala
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Re: H-eight

Post by DanInGala » December 20th, 2013, 10:51 am

Hi my friend. This IS your masterpiece! I have always admired your writings as you know, but this depiction of inner torment and the cataclysm that is about to unravel is brilliant. The diction is truly to die for (no pun intended!), and the imagery that sparks off it in my mind was electric, wonderfully distrubing and downright satisfying. I have so many favourite lines and expressions, and it would do the whole piece a dis-service to point them out, lets just say I felt very close to this, and it is one to come back to, like a film that needs a 2nd viewing, or maybe more. Brilliant poetry.



dwells
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Re: H-eight

Post by dwells » December 20th, 2013, 3:45 pm

Don't be so hard on yourself mate! The world is a harsh task master. Some eye popping lines in this piece like "fingering wounds from your mustard heartburger" was epic for some strange reason. Then the epilepsy and muscle memory went in another direction and I thought perhaps a mis-direction or more likely mis-comprehension. Nevertheless a memorable read and I feel like I got the gist of this but the feelings betray inadequate words MrD, cheers!
Last edited by dwells on December 22nd, 2013, 6:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.


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Re: H-eight

Post by Sasha » December 22nd, 2013, 5:31 pm

I read it couple of times now, and like I said this is a heavy piece of poetry. There's a swirl of emotions, taking a parabolic curve each time you move from a couplet to another, and each couplet had its own 'recipe', you know, a different flavour, tenderness hidden deep, fierce emotions, anger, despair, plea... it's overwhelming, but done following clever strategy, if I can say, and profound imagery, and yeah the diction was another thing to highlight on.
This is different; the rawness, candour, presentation, all is new, and packed with effect and great composition.

Sash



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Mr D
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Re: H-eight

Post by Mr D » December 28th, 2013, 1:46 am

thx, my friends for your wonderful comments...
awesome to have you here,
Cheers,
D


Darkness is the canvas, light is the paint
I dont mind if you guys just read without commenting my stuff :)

tetti2
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Re: H-eight

Post by tetti2 » December 29th, 2013, 10:39 am

Well this is my first poem I have read on this site and what a treat, packed with emotion and raw descriptive lines that have many differing levels



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Re: H-eight

Post by Dew » December 31st, 2013, 9:16 pm

finger my wounds with mustard from your heartburger - only a depraved and mortally injured soul could come up with that! I LOVE it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congrats on spotlighting mate!

Dew



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Josie
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Re: H-eight

Post by Josie » January 2nd, 2014, 12:18 pm

You said something about giving chaos, and for me, you did a fine job of it. I wondered if this poem is about the height of hate. I really do not know who was eating who, but that line about the mustard and the heartburger will remain a signature for this poem. My favorite line would have to be 'eye to beckon, eye to break and splinter mirror in the burning light.' Maybe I like it because it plays on height and hate. You are actually wildly into sounds that despite the fact that I cannot understand too much of what you are saying, there is a world of fun in your play with words.


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