Riviera

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Rainman
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Riviera

Post by Rainman » September 15th, 2013, 4:45 pm

The gulls are grown corrupt.
Thuggish and insolent in their white suits,
hustling for junk food, pizza, bits of stinking burger,
wading in pools of sticky cola.

Down the coast a little way, at Brixham,
the fishing boats do not miss them -
they see the way it's going.

And in the Mermaid Cafe
Shirley Delaney leans on the counter,
staring at the little baskets of sea-shells.



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allmirth
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Re: Riviera

Post by allmirth » September 15th, 2013, 6:16 pm

The melancholy of this piece is drawn out beautifully. When one thinks of a "Riviera" the mind wants to paint a most romantic scene. You shatter this delusion right away by highlighting corruption and insolence in place which seems trampled and used up. The feeling of resignation is heartbreaking to me.

Thanks much for sharing.
Mirthy :lovey:


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everhopeful
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Re: Riviera

Post by everhopeful » September 16th, 2013, 12:25 pm

This is a really excellent piece of poetry, especially as a sadness post, because there's no obvious 'sad' signposting, it's all about showing something to the reader and letting them feel the undercurrent of loathing. Perhaps loathing is the wrong word, and it's actually the lack of reaction to the seedy scene which is the real sadness here.
I enjoyed this one a lot.



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candlewitch
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Re: Riviera

Post by candlewitch » September 16th, 2013, 1:07 pm

I very much agree with the comments above mine. They have said it very well! A clever write!

always, Cat


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LauraMarie
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Re: Riviera

Post by LauraMarie » September 29th, 2013, 7:11 pm

I hate the gulls now. :) In all seriousness, though, the image painted in my mind are not necessarily pictures of seagulls, but humans. Perhaps that's what was also intended? The seagulls are used as a metaphor for humanity, and the crimes that are alluded to are more than what is written on the page. The final stanza is interesting; I'm not really sure what it means, but that's the beauty of poetry: it can mean anything I wish it to. Thanks for sharing, and this piece certainly deserves to be on the spotlight page.


Always,
Laura

Eggy
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Re: Riviera

Post by Eggy » September 29th, 2013, 9:47 pm

An exceptional piece of work. The feeling is of sadness and perhaps loss and the impression is more of a painting than a poem. Picasso would be proud to add this to his 'Blue period' work.

Technically most adept. You have conveyed the feeling without the usual maundering about lost love. Your word choice is first class.

More please!



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songofmeadow
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Re: Riviera

Post by songofmeadow » September 30th, 2013, 1:28 am

Well done on the spotlight, cleverly you show us three different scenes connected by the title that offer a story in their own vignette, this is wonderful, thought provoking poetry mx


Remember, 3 replies for every poem you post!!


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Dew
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Re: Riviera

Post by Dew » September 30th, 2013, 7:44 am

Loved the switch in perspective...begs a story that the reader happily supplies without even trying. Charming! Congrats on the spot! - dew



Zojourn
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Re: Riviera

Post by Zojourn » September 30th, 2013, 3:13 pm

I love this intricate account of three concurring moments of time, as I enjoyed trying to discover every association the speaker intended to convey by peering into each window simultaneously. I found this piece to reflect upon society, and the first stanza spoke of what's wrong and how it has become an accepted norm. The second speaks of what's known and unheeded wisdom. The third breathes of hope with an underlying aspiration for the future to still hold some measure of unexplored fascination and a door not yet opened.

I truly enjoyed reading this thought provoking (w)rite, it is an enigmatic and pleasurable piece of poetry.

~Z


"People laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at them because they're all the same." ~Curt Cobain
"I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who i am not." ~Curt Cobain
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dornicks
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Re: Riviera

Post by dornicks » September 30th, 2013, 3:38 pm

Like the other posts,I enjoyed this read. I know something of sea-gulls and the time one deposited it's waste on my head outside a cafe. Congratulations on the Spotlight.

dornicks


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rupertpupkin
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Re: Riviera

Post by rupertpupkin » October 1st, 2013, 3:45 pm

Hi, great piece of writing. Captivating and concise, well done on the spotlight.


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inflames
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Re: Riviera

Post by inflames » October 2nd, 2013, 12:11 pm

I like the little story that is told in this. You've set the scene well and draw the reader into it. Very cool write. Congrats on your spotlight!


"I don't see novels ending with any real sense of closure."
– Michael Ondaatje


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allmirth
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Re: Riviera

Post by allmirth » October 2nd, 2013, 10:45 pm

So glad for the opportunity to re-read this gorgeous poetry on its rightful place. The Spotlight. Congratulations!

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy :lovey:


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flux
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Re: Riviera

Post by flux » October 3rd, 2013, 9:45 am

Hi, I love that personal touch at the end, it grounds the whole poem. And the humour in the first stanza and the very clever way you describe the gulls, why have I not seen them that way before? And I live on the coast! This is a wonderful mix of sweet sadness and humour. A fine poem.


Make fellow poets happy and comment on their poems.



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karrie
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Re: Riviera

Post by karrie » October 3rd, 2013, 9:20 pm

I absolutely love the imagery in this. Congrats on the well deserved spotlight



Rainman
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Re: Riviera

Post by Rainman » October 5th, 2013, 5:56 pm

Thank you so much to everyone who commented, I truly appreciate your generous words.



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Re: Riviera

Post by Zimmerman » November 30th, 2013, 2:26 pm

This is beautiful, man. Haunting and dark and shattering and beautiful.

Some kissing point between Jack Kerouac and Hunter S. Thompson.

Zimmerman



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