sustenance

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Jim
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sustenance

Post by Jim » August 18th, 2013, 10:58 am

just before dusk,
he makes a fire,
nothing to cook,
fish weren't biting.
cold night feels that much colder
on an empty stomach.
crouching close, he watches as the flames spar with a raw wind rolling around the mountainside,
inciting visions of a warm valley, and a town down there,
and you



sounds of elk -
hunger,
for what was


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cesario
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Re: sustenance

Post by cesario » August 18th, 2013, 11:50 am

jim,
a stunning, modern style for this haibun.
the closing haiku is, of course, a stand-alone
masterpiece.
welcome back, my friend ...

always with respect,
cesario


bamboo flower
once in one hundred years
you

cesario
frogpond vol.35:3

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allmirth
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Re: sustenance

Post by allmirth » August 18th, 2013, 11:54 am

This is quite beautiful, the longing and desire is movingly palpable. I have not read you in a while, I remember what I've been missing.

Thanks so much for sharing.
Mirthy :lovey:


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ladylynnmary
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Re: sustenance

Post by ladylynnmary » August 18th, 2013, 2:53 pm

Dearest Jim, I must agree this is a masterpiece. The emotions , longing for your love really took
my heart . Look forward from more from you. You definitely have a way to affect the heart.

Much Love,
Lynn



mangodog
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Re: sustenance

Post by mangodog » August 18th, 2013, 6:49 pm

you really did capture the essence of cold and lonely, here, Jim....
with the little of warmth hinted at the end - visions of a warm valley...

now....was that elk haiku at the end part of this poem, or a little
signature thingy you have....


thanks....Mdog



konch
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Re: sustenance

Post by konch » August 18th, 2013, 7:08 pm

welcome back Jim, been missing your work, a lot!

that last word "was" is so cryptic yet has so much riding on it. It leaves the reader feeling the hunger of the subject. What's the opposite of pathetic fallacy? Magnificent truth?


Throughout the whole absurd life I'd lived, a dark wind had been rising toward me from somewhere deep in my future, across years that were still to come, and as it passed, this wind levelled whatever was offered to me at the time”
― Albert Camus, The Stranger

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RogueInk
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Re: sustenance

Post by RogueInk » August 18th, 2013, 11:58 pm

This should be set to accompany a neofolk song. You really know how to ground the reader in time and place with your Japanese poetry, which is the hallmark that true adherents should strive for. You're actually somewhat of a mentor to me with these styles. You have more or less set the benchmark for what I want to convey in these types of writings: intense self-reflection, overwhelming beauty, keen nostalgia, and just a general attention to detail that takes you away, but doesn't give too much away. You, sir, have yet to disappoint. This is yet another fantastic entry for your repertoire.


Be the strange you wish to see in the world

Alan
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Re: sustenance

Post by Alan » August 19th, 2013, 6:04 am

>cold night feels that much colder
>on an empty stomach.

Wow. Amazing lines.

Great poem, very picturesque



Jim
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Re: sustenance

Post by Jim » October 14th, 2016, 8:26 am

Hope you don't mind if I send an old one up to you. I'm not writing much right now - thanks


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ObsidianMule
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Re: sustenance

Post by ObsidianMule » October 14th, 2016, 11:21 am

Hunger for what was, indeed



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tangerinepie
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Re: sustenance

Post by tangerinepie » October 16th, 2016, 2:05 pm

So glad I read this creative write Jim, it is truly inspiring, hope to see you soon again..Tangie..


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raulperez
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Re: sustenance

Post by raulperez » October 18th, 2016, 6:35 pm

Your haibun's sure are food for the mind and soul. Enjoyed.



BarryC
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Re: sustenance

Post by BarryC » March 21st, 2017, 8:03 am

fantastic piece- well done



aoeclald
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Re: sustenance

Post by aoeclald » March 23rd, 2017, 5:11 pm

Hunger is rarely saved for only the stomach. Thank you for reminding me of that Jim - my mind can not grumble quite like my belly.

Congratulations!
Luke



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The ghost
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Re: sustenance

Post by The ghost » December 17th, 2019, 12:45 pm

I have not read anything lately that has moved me as much as this piece did .
Many bows


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